


True.

by Team_Free_Adam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Episode: s05e13 The Song Remains the Same, Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Samifer - Freeform, no sam/lucifer non con, this is literally a hallucination in hell for about a second don't let it put you off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 18:05:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2821337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Team_Free_Adam/pseuds/Team_Free_Adam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer finds Sam when Anna kills him in 1978, and everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	True.

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! This turned into a monster! I started writing it as a drabble this morning because I couldn't get the idea out of my head but then I just kinda.. kept going. This hasn't been beta read, and it's currently midnight so there will most likely be some mistakes so apologies for any that pop up
> 
> Enjoy! :D

The only thing Sam can focus on as Anna stabs him and he stumbles back to the wall behind him is the pain.

He'd been stabbed before, back when Azazel was still their biggest problem and there was no panic of Dean going to hell or angels or the apocalypse to worry about. He doesn't tend to think back to those times, but as he sways on his feet and tastes his blood and grips the pipe Anna shoved into his stomach as if that will stop the way its killing him, he can't help but realise how simple things were back then. 

Dean shouts his name and Sam turns his gaze to his brother and he wants to shout back, wants to stop Uriel from strangling him, wants to scream and tell Dean that he's okay - but he isn't. His voice won't work and his knees are giving out and his stomach is on fire,  then his eyes are closing and he's falling and a soft voice somewhere in the back of his head is calling his name. He knows that he's dying but he can't stop it, he slides down the wall and his head hits the floor and Dean's shouting him but it hurts too much.

The last thing he remembers is the feeling of blood dripping out of his mouth and then there's darkness.

* * *

He's cold and tired when he wakes.

Too cold, too tired. It's an aching, chilling cold that hurts and tiredness that feels like exhaustion and makes him want to squeeze his eyes shut and curl up into a ball like he did when he was younger and scared of the monsters that Dean and their Dad would 'take care of.' 

Instead he sits up quickly because he distinctly remembers dying so he shouldn't be waking up.

As soon as he opens his eyes his head spins rapidly and he feels like he's going to be sick. He grips the uncomfortable surface underneath him and has to squeeze his eyes shut again or he's sure he's going to pass out. He takes a few deep breaths to steady himself and opens them again, swinging his legs around and over the edge of whatever he's sat on. 

It's a bed. A narrow bed with no cover and a small pillow on it. Looking around the room doesn't make him feel better. It's small and plain and only has the bed and a small bedside table in it. Everything is grey and dark and it looks like a prison.

Fuck, fuck, fuck - where is he?

He stands up, and takes about three steps towards the door before his head protests, eyes close, legs give out, and he slumps towards the floor again.

This time there's a hand under his head to cushion the fall, a freezing cold hand, and Sam begins to panic even before a soft and scarily familiar voice starts to whisper his name. 

He can't move though, nausea making him squeeze his eyes shut and lie still against the floor and the hand instead of struggling like he wants to. Like every fibre in his body is telling him to.

"It's okay, Sam. You're okay." Lucifer says, and despite the fear coursing through his body, with two fingers to his forehead Sam falls to the darkness again.

* * *

 

The second time he wakes the dizziness has gone, but he's still tired and it takes much more effort to open his eyes than it should. Remembering what happened before he passed out is what finally forces them open, and he can't say that he's shocked to find Lucifer stood next to the one window in the room. He's staring out of it, and has his back to Sam.

Sam finds himself staring at the back of his vessel's head, and doesn't dare move in case he notifies Lucifer that he's awake.

"I know you're awake, Sam. There's no need to notify me."

Sam jumps as he speaks, and struggles to prop himself up against the headboard. His body feels too heavy, and Lucifer reading his mind is not helping Sam calm himself down. It's creepy and intrusive and when Lucifer turns around and stares at him, Sam feels uncomfortable in his own skin.

He frowns. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, Sam."

Sam wants to laugh in his face but he can't because for some ridiculous reason Lucifer actually looks apologetic. 

Sam isn't sure if that just scares him more.

"You don't need to be afraid of me, Sam." Lucifer says, and Sam actually laughs out loud at that.

"Yeah, right." He says, and suddenly the fact that he's alone with Lucifer, when the last thing he remembers is being killed by Anna while Uriel choked Dean and their mother watched hits him and he starts to panic. 

"Where's Dean?" He asks quickly, and carries on before Lucifer can even begin to reply. "What happened to Anna and Uriel and my parents? Where are we? _What did you do?"_ He demands, he's shouting and breathing too quickly and Lucifer has him and Dean watched him die and probably still thinks he's dead and-

"Sam!? Sam, you need to calm down. Sam, can you hear me?"

Of course he can hear him, why is Lucifer sounding so panicked? 

Panicked. Panic. He's panicking.

Oh.

Sam blinks a few times, and takes a deep breath. He hasn't had a panic attack in a long time, and Dean has  _always_ been there to help him stay calm. Now he's stuck in a room with the devil who wants to possess him and use him to destroy humanity. 

He can't calm down, and he's stuck. He isn't sure if he's still breathing but his chest and head hurt and the nausea's back and he's going to die again.

He can't focus until there are two freezing hands cupping his face and he's suddenly staring into icy blue eyes that are full of worry.

"Sam, you need to breathe with me. Can you do that? Come on, Sam, in and out." 

He sounds too much like Dean but maybe that's a good thing, as Sam can't help but follow his instructions. His breathing calms and the weight on his chest lessens and the fear is replaced with embarrassment that  _Lucifer_ just had to help him deal with a panic attack. 

He doesn't know what to do but sit and let Lucifer hold him as he tries to keep his breathing steady. It's wrong and he knows he should push Lucifer away, but he's afraid that he'll lose control if he does, and he needs to calm down so he can get some answers.

"You're okay, Sam." Lucifer whispers, softly and carefully and exactly the way Dean would sound when he tried to calm him down. "You're fine, your parents are fine, Dean's fine. Anna is dead, and Michael was talking with Dean when I found you."

Michael has Dean, Lucifer has Sam. No, no, no, no. This can't be happening.

"Sam." Lucifer says sharply, and Sam realises his eyes are closed and he isn't breathing right again. He opens them slowly and Lucifer is looking at him with a mixture of pity and worry. "Sam, I had to interfere. Michael swore to Dean he would heal you."

"But?" Sam asks and his voice is raspy and low. 

Lucifer sighs and runs his thumb gently over Sam's cheek. Sam doesn't like it. It doesn't comfort him or make him feel loved and he doesn't lean into the touch. He doesn't.

"I don't like the idea of him being anywhere near you. My brother may have swore to Dean that he would heal you but.. I preferred to do it myself."

"Why?" Sam rasped.

"Because you're mine Sam. You have been since the beginning of time. I know you don't believe that I could care for you more than just because you're my vessel, but I do. And I wish that this didn't have to happen, Sam, I really do. I wasn't lying when I said my heart breaks for you. I've waited for you since the beginning, and I just want you to be safe and happy. It's not fair what I'm asking of you Sam, I want you to know that I understand that. And that I'm sorry, I am." Lucifer was running his thumb over Sam's cheek again, and he sounded so sincere that Sam couldn't help but believe every word. 

His eyes closed subconsciously, and he knew that this was Lucifer, the Devil, Satan, the master of lies, but he was also the morning star and light bringer and Sam _knew_ he wasn't lying. Lucifer knew him, Lucifer seemed to care and God, Sam knew that shouldn't matter as much as it did. He'd always felt a need to be loved. From his Dad and Dean and Bobby and Jess and maybe he had noticed before, but he seemed to screw everything up with those that he wanted to love him. But he didn't want Lucifer to love him, because Lucifer loving him would mess everything up. He was supposed to hate Lucifer, not sit practically cuddling with him after being killed by another angel that wanted to stop the apocalypse.

And only in his life would that thought even be possible. 

He's pulled from his thoughts by cold lips pressing to his forehead and Lucifer's hand at the back of his neck, pulling them closer. It's the most intimate thing Sam thinks he's ever been through in his life and when Lucifer presses their foreheads together, Sam practically melts into the touch. 

They sit like that for what is probably only minutes but feels like hours. It's wrong and right and Sam doesn't know what to think anymore.

When Lucifer pulls back, Sam opens his eyes again and Lucifer is staring at him in a way that Sam can only describe as adoration. He runs a hand across Sam's face again and smiles softly. "I think it's time to get you back to Dean."

Sam narrows his eyes in confusion at that, "What?" He asks, in disbelief.

"You do want to return to your brother." He says and Sam nods.

"Yeah, but.." 

"But?"

Sam isn't sure what to say.

"I just.. you've got me, right? You could do anything and I wouldn't be able to stop you. You could torture me or anything.. to get me to say yes but.. you've got me and you're just going to let me go?"

"There's a quote isn't there, 'if you love someone let them go..'" He pauses for a second and smiles, and Sam can only listen in shock, "You'll come back, Sam. I don't doubt it."

Sam shakes his head, "But you could get me to say yes now. You could.. I don't understand why you aren't."

Lucifer smiles, and pulls Sam's hands into his own, threading their fingers together softly. 

"I could, but that wouldn't be your consent. Not really. Sam, I want you to  _want_ to say yes. I want it to be your choice, your decision. You will, I know you will, but not tonight. I promised I'd never hurt you, Sam, and I won't."

"I'm sorry." Sam says, and he doesn't know why, or what he's sorry for, but he needs to let Lucifer know he understands. He hates it all, but he understands.

Lucifer smiles, and it's the happiest Sam has ever seen the Archangel.

"I know you do. And you don't know how grateful I am Sam." 

Lucifer looks at him for a few more moments and Sam looks back.

Then he's tucking a piece of Sam's hair behind his ear and smiling sadly. "Let's get you back to Dean."

* * *

 

Dean goes mad when he suddenly appears in the middle of their motel room.

"What the hell, Sam!? Where the hell have you been!?" He shouts as he pulls Sam towards him and into a hug. Dean grips him tight and Sam desperately hugs back because last time he saw Dean he was dying and Dean was being choked by Uriel. 

"I.. uh, what happened after I.. y'know?" Sam asks first, as he pulls away, and tries to come up with a way to tell his brother that he'd spent the last however long with Lucifer.

"Well, Anna killed you and was about to start on Mom when Michael appeared possessing Dad." Lucifer hadn't lied then. "Smites Anna, knocks Mom out and then starts ranting at me about it being my destiny. Not like we haven't heard it all before.." Dean looks pissed, and Michael seemed to have really not helped his case if Dean's angry tone is anything to go by. "Anyway, he's saying that he's gonna erase Mom and Dad's memories when your body vanishes. The bastard wouldn't even say anything, just zapped me back here."

"And how long have you been here?" Sam asks apprehensively.

"Two hours. Your turn, where have you been?"

"I.." He looks down. There's no way Dean isn't going to explode as soon as Sam tells him where he's been, and he can't use the excuse that he may have let Lucifer explain his point and may agree with it or Dean will actually kill him.

"Sam." Dean says, using his 'big brother' voice, one that Sam saw a lot in their childhood.

"I.." He sighs, "Was with Lucifer."

Dean blinks three times, "What?"

"I was with Lucifer." Sam repeats.

Dean is staring at him, "Care to elaborate, Sam?" He asks, angrily.

Sam shrugs and shakes his head, "What do you want me to say, Dean? I woke up, felt like crap, tried to stand up and passed out. Woke up again and he was there.."

"And?!" Dean wants details and Sam knows he isn't going to stop until he gets them.

"Well I, uh, had a panic attack." 

Dean freezes at that, "You had a panic attack?" Sam nods, "You haven't had one of them since -"

"Since before Stanford. I know." Dean is looking at him, wanting more,and Sam sighs. "He helped, okay? Kinda reminded me of you, actually."

"Oh, well isn't that great!" Dean says sarcastically, and Sam runs a hand through his hair.

"Look Dean, nothing happened."

"You were gone for two hours, Sam!" 

"Yeah, and I was dead and passed out for most of it! Dean, I know you don't like the guy but all he did was bring me back, help me through a panic attack and then send me back here. I don't know what else you want me to say?"

Dean look pissed at that, but lets it go as Castiel appears in the room, and promptly passes out.

They have a glass of whiskey, Dean makes a stupid remark about Team Free Will, and Lucifer seems to be forgotten.

To Dean anyway, Sam can't forget.

* * *

 

When they are kidnapped by a bunch of Gods a few months later, Sam is reminded of Lucifer again.  

They'd been busy lately, and Sam had pushed the Archangel to the back of his mind, but seeing Gabriel reminds him. 

They kill Gabriel, and steal his sword, and they're going to use it to kill Lucifer, and Dean wants to help. Sam knows Lucifer will beat them. He didn't know he had so much faith in Lucifer, but it's there, and he tells Kali and Baldur about removing the markings on his ribs. He's nervous and excited about seeing Lucifer again, even if he is meant to be trying to kill him.

But then Gabriel isn't dead. And they don't actually have his sword. And Lucifer comes anyway.

The screams echo through the hotel, and Sam knew Lucifer would win.

"It's him." He announces, and the rush of fear and anticipation and longing that rushes through him overwhelming.

Kali and Dean and Baldur are talking but Sam isn't listening because Lucifer's stood in the entrance and he's made eye contact and Sam can't breathe.

"Sam, Dean, good to see you again." There's sincerity is his voice, but there's also blood on his clothing and then Baldur moves forward and Sam can't help but flinch as Lucifer shoves his hand ruthlessly through the God's chest.

Him and Dean take shelter behind a fallen table as Kali fills the whole room with flames. Lucifer is fine. 

Sam shouldn't be relieved, but he is.

Then Gabriel arrives and Sam knows what's going to happen and he needs to do something but Dean's pulling him and Kali away and Sam gives Lucifer one last look before they're gone. And Lucifer's gone again.

* * *

That night Lucifer visits him again for the first time since that first night when he'd told Sam about being his vessel. It feels like a lifetime ago for Sam.

"I killed him." He says, and he's sat on a chair next to Sam's motel bed. 

"He was my brother and I killed him." There's a pause "He was going to kill me."

Sam doesn't know what to say.

"I used to protect him. I taught him everything he knew. He was mine to protect and I killed him, Sam." 

"I'm sorry." Sam says, and Lucifer looks at him and Sam doesn't know what to do because Lucifer looks to be on the verge of tears. 

"So am I." He whispers. 

Sam pulls the devil into him and embraces him.

Its wrong, it's so wrong, but as Lucifer buries his face into the crook of Sam's neck, Sam thinks it may be the first comfort Lucifer has had in an eternity, so Sam just holds him.

If Lucifer cries then neither of them mention anything.

And Sam doesn't mention anything to Dean, when he wakes up with tears in his own eyes and Dean asks why.

* * *

Sam's strangely proud of himself when he comes up with the idea of saying yes and then throwing himself into the cage.

Dean and Cas and Bobby don't need to know that Sam has wanted to say yes for months, or that he wants to see Lucifer again, or that he may want to spend eternity with the angel.

He plays it off as being their only option, and it is. Sam might not hate Lucifer anymore, but the apocalypse still needs to be stopped. 

So Sam holds onto the idea, and they let him.

* * *

 

The demon blood makes him want to be sick, but he drinks it anyway. 

He says goodbye to Cas and Bobby and he feels like shit because he's going to miss them and he's putting them through hell, but he has to do this.

There's adrenaline rushing through his veins as the demons drag them through to Lucifer.

And then he's there.

Dean jokes, but there's fear in his voice. Sam isn't afraid anymore.

"Help me understand something, guys. I mean, stomping through my front door is... a tad suicidal, don't you think?"

Sam's confused for a moment, but then he realises that Lucifer is playing along for Dean. They both know what's about to happen.

"We're not here to fight you." Sam says.   
  
"No? Then why are you?" Lucifer replies, staring at Sam knowingly. 

"I want to say yes." He chooses his wording carefully and Lucifer smiles.

Sam takes a breath, closes his eyes and feels the familiar rush of power as the two demons drop dead behind them.   
  
Lucifer is still smirking, "Chock-full of Ovaltine, are we?"  
  
"You heard me. Yes."   
  
"You're serious."   
  
"Look, Judgment Day's a runaway train. We get it now. We just want off." Sam just wants him to do it already, he's lying through his teeth and he's sure that Lucifer knows it.  
  
"Meaning?"   
  
"Deal of the century. I give you a free ride, but when it's all over, I live, he lives, you bring our parents back-"  
  
"Okay, can we please drop the telenovela? I know you have the rings, Sam." No, no, he wasn't meant to know about the rings. Sam tries not to let the panic show but he knows it isn't working and this isn't what was meant to happen.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He says, and even to him it sounds pathetic.  
  
"The Horsemen's rings? The magic keys to my Cage? Ring a bell? Come on, Sam. I've never lied to you. You could at least pay me the same respect." He smiles and Sam feels sick. He had a plan, he had a plan. "It's okay. I'm not mad. A wrestling match inside your noggin... I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win... Well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you."

He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, because Lucifer knows about the rings and if it doesn't work then the apocalypse goes ahead but he's been waiting for so long and all he has to do is fight. Lucifer wants him to, he could have possessed him already. Sam's said yes already. But he wants a yes now that Sam knows he knows about the rings. He's kept to his word even now, and Sam can't help himself at the pang of affection he feels for Lucifer.

"So he knows. Doesn't change anything." Sam says to Dean, even though he's lying. It changes things a lot.      
  
"Sam." Dean tries to warn him and Sam wants to cry at the desperation in his brother's voice.  
  
"We don't have any other choice." He tries to comfort Dean one last time.   
  
"No."

_I'm sorry, Dean._    
  
"Yes."

* * *

Sam is angry at Lucifer for messing with Dean. He's angry that Lucifer won.

He's angry as Lucifer 'takes the gag off' and hell if he couldn't have phrased that in a dirtier way.

"You got me all wrong, kiddo. I'm not the bad guy here." He says to the mirror, and Sam shakes his head.

"You lied to me." He accuses, and Lucifer sighs softly back at him.

"I didn't, you lied to yourself Sam. Who are you really angry with? Me? Or that face in the mirror?" He asks and Sam feels a rush of anger go through him.

"I'm sure this is all a big joke to you, huh?" He feels betrayed. Lucifer had been kind and seemed to really care about him back when Anna tried to kill him, and Sam is beginning to lose the hope that it wasn't just an act.

"It wasn't Sam, not at all. I've been waiting for you.. for a long, long time. Come on, Sam. You have to admit - you can feel it, right?" Lucifer sounds sincere again, and it hurts.  
  
"What? " Sam asks, and he tries not to fall into the trap of trusting him again.  

"The exhilaration. And you know why that is? Because we're two halves made whole. M.F.E.O. Literally." 

It's true. And Sam knows it. The feeling is exhilarating, he feels the safest he's ever felt and he wants nothing more than to melt into Lucifer's grace, but he can't. There's still the apocalypse, and Sam can't let it happen.

"This feels pretty damn far from good." Sam lies.

Lucifer smiles back at him and taps his head.   
  
"I'm inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can't lie to me. I see it all - how odd you always felt, how... out of place in that... family of yours. And why shouldn't you have? They were foster care at best. I'm your real family."  
  
Sam thinks of Dean, "No, that's not true."  

"It is." Lucifer insists. "And I know you know it. All those times you ran away, you weren't running from them. You were running towards me. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know. I let Dean live, didn't I? I want him to live. I'll bring your folks back, too. I want you to be happy, Sam."

"Then stop this." Sam pleads. "You don't want to fight him, I know you don't, so just don't do it! You want me to be happy? Don't burn my planet. Stop. Please."

Lucifer stares at him for a long time, then they kill a bunch of demons from Sam's past. 

Sam lets out his anger on them, and feels sick at how much he enjoys it.

Lucifer enjoys it too, and Sam knows he cares about him, but now he's about to see how much.

* * *

 

Sam's nervous when Michael appears.

Lucifer has still kept him aware, and Sam doesn't really know why. He's sure it would be easier for Lucifer to shove him into unconsciousness. 

"It's good to see you, Michael." His voice says.  
  
"You too. It's been too long. Can you believe it's finally here?"  
  
"No. Not really."  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
"As I'll ever be. A part of me wishes we didn't have to do this." Sam's shocked, and then gets hopeful. Please, please let him be trying to stop it. Please.  
  
"Yeah. Me too."  
  
"Then why are we?

"Oh, you know why! I have no choice, after what you did."  
  
"What I did? What if it's not my fault?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means he made me who I am! God wanted the Devil." 

Sam feels Lucifer's passion and anger and desperation. He's desperate too. Lucifer is right, and he can only hope that Michael can see it too.  
  
"So?"  
  
"So why? And why make us fight? I just can't figure out the point."  
  
"What's your point?" Michael doesn't seem to want to be persuaded and Sam begins to worry.  
  
"We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard."  
  
"I'm sorry. I-I can't do that. I'm a good son, and I have my orders." Sam's hope begins to fade.  
  
"But you don't have to follow them." Lucifer tries.  
  
"What, you think I'm gonna rebel? Now? I'm not like you."  
  
"Please, Michael -" Lucifer begs, and Sam begs with him.  
  
"You know, you haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself. We were together. We were happy. But you betrayed me- all of us -- and you made our father leave."   
  
"No one makes Dad do anything. He is doing this to us." Lucifer is angry, and Sam begs him to stay calm.  
  
"You're a monster, Lucifer. And I have to kill you." 

Sam feels the pang of betrayal and he hates Michael in that moment. He knows the pain that Lucifer is in, and knows what is coming next.

_"Lucifer please, please don't, walk away. Lucifer. Lucif-"_  
  
"If that's the way it's got to be... Then I'd like to see you try."

He screams inside his own head as they begin to circle each other. And then his heart stops as he hears the familiar rumble of the Impala's engine.  
  
Sam watches as the Impala drives up and Dean steps out. He wants to call out and tell his brother to get away, but he can't  
  
"Howdy, boys. Sorry. Am I interrupting something?" Dean says with what Sam knows is false confidence, and Sam is sure that he would have been sick if he was in control of hi body.

Dean looks at him, and Sam looks back, but he knows it's only Lucifer who Dean can see. "Hey. We need to talk."  
  
"Dean." Lucifer says. "Even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid."  
  
"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Sam." And Sam is shocked when Lucifer feels  _sad_ at Dean's comment. 

_**"He came for you."**_ Lucifer thinks, and Sam understands. Dean came for him, even though there's practically no hope for him. Michael is trying to kill Lucifer.

_"Don't hurt him, don't. Just leave him, please, just get him out of here.2_

Sam doesn't hear what Michael and Dean are saying, he's too busy begging Lucifer to leave Dean. He has him, he can leave Dean out of it.

He begs until Michael screams and goes up in flames and Lucifer snarls inside his head.

"Assbutt?" Dean asks, and Sam can't hell but be amazed that Dean has chosen that to comment on.

"He'll be back, and upset, but you got your five minutes." Castiel says and Sam feels Lucifer's seething anger building.  
  
"Castiel. Did you just Molotov my brother with holy fire?" 

Cas get out of there, Sam thinks, why isn't he getting out of there?  
  
"Uh... no."  
  
"No one dicks with Michael but me." Lucifer says and snaps his fingers. Sam cries out as Castiel explodes but Lucifer is blinded by his anger.

"Sammy, can you hear me?" Dean says and Sam is angry at him for not running. Lucifer's anger at Cas isn't helping but why is Dean still being so damn stubborn while Lucifer is so angry.   
  
"You know" Lucifer says. "I tried to be nice... for Sammy's sake." Sam tries to beg him to stop at that, but Lucifer carries on. "But you... are such a pain... in my ass." He closes his fists around Dean's jacket and throws Dean onto the windshield of the Impala. Sam is screaming again, when he feels the pain in his back.

Lucifer turns and Bobby shoots them again and Sam is screaming.

_"DON'T LUCIFER, DON'T PLEASE, PLEASE, LUCIFER PLE-"_

But Lucifer has already twisted their hand and Sam feels Bobby's neck snap and he can't do anything as Bobby falls to the floor or as Dean screams.

"NO!"  
  
"Yes." Lucifer says, and he's pissed. He's seriously pissed. 

Sam knows what's coming and he tries to fight, he tries to beg but Lucifer still punches Dean.

And again. 

"Sammy, are you in there?" Dean asks, and Sam screams _'shut up'_ at him inside his own head.

"Oh, he's in here, all right." He punches Dean again. "And he's gonna feel the snap of your bones." Dean falls to the ground as Lucifer punches him again. "Every single one." He hauls Dean to his feet. "We're gonna take our time."

He starts punching over and over and Sam suddenly knows why. 

_"Lucifer, listen to me. You're angry, you're angry. I'm angry too. Michael's a dick, okay? I get that and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything you've been through and I wish I could change it, I do. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But please, please you have to stop. He's my brother and I love him and you have to stop."_ He rambles on and on. He apologises to Lucifer over and over, and tells him they're the same, and asks him and begs him to stop.

Lucifer pulls their arm up for another punch and Sam is beginning to lose hope, when Lucifer spots the little green army man stuck in the car's ashtray. 

_**"Show me."**  _ He says.

And Sam does. 

Memories. Hundreds of them. He shows Lucifer Dean, and shows him everything he loves about Dean, and everything they've been through together in the past five years. In seconds Sam shows him coffee and pranks and music and death and motels and beer and hell and heaven and crossroads and love. 

And Lucifer lets go.

"It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay. I've got him. " Sam says, because he does. 

He apologises again to Lucifer as he shakily pulls out the rings. He doesn't want to send him back, he knows Lucifer doesn't want to go back. But he's going to let Sam throw them both in and Sam knows now how much he cares. 

The cage opens and Michael reappears and Sam won't give in and Lucifer won't give in.

Sam sends Dean one last look, a final goodbye and tells Lucifer he's ready.

So they spread their arms and prepare to fall and when Michael grabs Sam, Lucifer helps pull his brother down with them back into hell.

* * *

 

They fall for what feels like an eternity, and Sam cries as they hit the ground. 

Michael's gone already, and Lucifer tells Sam that he believes their Father will rescue him soon. They both silently agree that he won't.

* * *

They spend the next few years wandering, sharing stories as Lucifer tries to protect Sam from the cage's torture. 

Jess appears a lot, so does Ash and Jo and Ellen and his Mom and Dad and even Adam. 

But it's mostly Dean. 

Lucifer is there to remind him it isn't real. That Dean is safe, and he's safe because they're together.

Sam mostly just cries and holds onto the archangel. 

Lucifer holds him and sometimes sings old Enochian songs that Sam can't understand but still loves.

Eventually Lucifer teaches him Enochian. It's difficult and takes a long time, but they have enough time to last them forever.

* * *

 

Sam finds out that Lucifer's hell consists of three people. 

Michael, Gabriel and Him. 

Michael spits at Lucifer and calls him a monster.

Gabriel cries and begs to know why Lucifer would kill him.

Sam turns away, and says that he can't trust him. That he could never love a monster.

The real Sam holds Lucifer close, and swears that he does and always will. 

Their first kiss is sweet, everything Sam ever wanted and ever imagined, and he can't decide if it's him or Lucifer who wants it more,

* * *

 

They kiss a lot after that. 

It's always gentle, and Lucifer always asks. 

Sam likes that. It's something reassuring and constant and it helps him decide what's real and what isn't when the Lucifer the cage has devised begins to rape him.

It's never real, but it feels like it is, and Sam clings to his Lucifer when it happens, and Lucifer clings back.

* * *

 

They don't have a happy ending. You can never be truly happy in hell.

But they fight through it together, and it's something Lucifer has never had before.

Someone who believes in him, even when he doesn't believe in himself. 

Sam feels the same.

He misses Dean and Cas and Bobby but with Lucifer he can feel okay.

So as Lucifer holds him and whispers Enochian lullabies softly into his ear, Sam knows that his love for Lucifer is real. 

And Lucifer's love for him is true. 

 


End file.
